SBURB 1: NEW AND NOT IMPROVED
by onthenose
Summary: 4 friends download a strange and confusing game titled SBURB, filled with cool weapons and monsters that want to see them dead. Their adventures couldn't be any less interesting. The characters are taken from real life.


A young man stands in his…

Well that's odd.

There appears to be no one in this empty bedroom.

Well then.

Wasn't expecting that.

Don't worry, don't worry. I have everything under control. Let's see here… where is he… aha!

A young Asian man with black hair and glasses stands in the kitchen eating a cookie. Let's have a go at his name, shall we?

Haha, just kidding. If I let an outside audience try to guess, they would just go on all day insulting him, wouldn't they.

Let's move on.

Your name is REED KOH. Today is the 20th of September, and it just so happens to be…

A regular day.

Well that's boring.

On this particularly fine day, you are found inside your kitchen munching away at a certain chocolate chip snack. Your INTERESTS are varied and plentiful and for the sake of easy reading, not all will be listed here. You have a fondness for VIDEO GAMES, as shown by the figurines strewn about back up in your room. You play the PIANO and the CELLO, and and have a soft spot for SUGARY SWEETS. You are an aspiring WRITER, although you do not actually end up writing that much due to your PROCRASTINATION and the THOUGHT that you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. Your Pesterchum handle is trashIndividual [TI].

On this day you plan to just sit down and browse the internet for most of the day. It's what you did yesterday, it's what you're going to do tomorrow, and you sure as heck are not aiming to deviate from that pattern.

You march back up to your room and take a couple of seconds to appreciate the decor. There are several video game posters hanging up on the walls and even more figurines from said video games scattered around your room. You have a TV set up with a bunch of consoles plugged in, along with a plethora of games strewn about the room. You're fairly proud of all of it, you have to say.

Anyways, those seconds that you took to admire your room are over. Back to your non-existant schedule.

You finish up your snack and wipe the crumbs off from your mouth. The next couple of hours proceed according to plan, meaning that you plopped your lazy ass down in front of your laptop and watched videos like a lazy piece of shit (what do you mean "like" a lazy piece of shit you ARE a lazy piece of shit). Unfortunately, your pleasant, serene mood filled with adults screaming profanity into a microphone was interrupted by a notification. You minimize your window to get your messaging service, Pesterchum, into view. It appears that someone is trying to get your attention!

\- cynicalComedian [CC] opened a group chat with trashIndividual [TI], redPyromaniac [RP], and memeCat [MC] titled: GUYS LOOK -

CC: HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT

You are so glad that Pesterchum added a group chat feature. Before it was just one person to one, and if you wanted to talk to multiple people at once you better be ready to handle multiple chat windows at once. Ah ywas, only the old-fashioned kids of last month will remember the pain and annoyance.

This feature has just made everything a lot easier.

TI: What

RP: IS IT SBURB

RP: IT'S COMING OUT LATER TODAY

TI: Oh yeah you guys have been talking about that a lot

TI: It's actually gotten kind of annoying at this point

TI: Like seriously

TI: Chill

MC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TI: hhhhhhhhhhh

CC: ITS COMING OUT IN ABOUT AN HOUR

MC: It's*

TI: I would get it but see

TI: Here's the thing

TI: I don't really want to

MC: Why nooooot

TI: Because uh

TI: I don't feel like it

RP: Alright fine, you do you

RP: Although it would be nice if you get it, even for the sole purpose of just being able to play with us

You consider the thought. It would be nice to be able to play a game with your friends, even if it might be one that you're not that excited to play. Perhaps you might want to give it a try?

You decide otherwise.

TI: Nah

TI: It's just not my type of game

CC: Come ooon

CC: It'll be fuuuuuun

TI: I doubt that

CC: It'll just be us four having some fun

CC: That sounds kind of wrong

RP: There's nothing wrong about it~

MC: Literally nothing about that sounded wrong until you said it sounded wrong

MC: Alright I'm gonna go eat lunch

MC: See ya guys

RP: Bye!

CC: See ya

TI: Bye

CC: …

CC: Are you sure that you don't want to play it with us

RP: Yeah, it could be reeeeeeeally fun!

TI: *sigh*

TI: I'll see how much it costs first.

RP: YAY

CC: Sweet

You close your computer, lean back in your chair, and sigh. Well, guess you're stuck doing this now! Ah well… It's not like you're going to actually be doing anything important today.

Come to think of it, you should probably practice your instruments. You captchalogue your CELLO BOW using your PICTIONARY MODUS for future use. You got your Pictionary modus in an effort to try to hone your frankly shit drawing skills. So far it hasn't worked.

However, you can't just practice your cello immediately, you have to have all sorts of mental and physical preparation that definitely isn't just procrastinating nope serious exercises and shit going on over here.

You discreetly open up your laptop again.

Don't worry, you're not abandoning the idea of practicing your instrument you're just checking up on a few stuff and wow would you look at that 30 minutes have passed.

Feeling hungry (you cannot practice on an empty stomach) you decide to grab a snack. You head to the kitchen, open up the fridge, and grab a brown bag emblazoned with the name M&Ms. Oh hell to the fucking yes. These should do the trick! Munching down half of the bag's contents, you captchalogue it for if you feel a bit peckish in the future. So far, you haven't run into your Brother, which is lucky for you to be honest. Thankfully he usually stays up in his room. If he's in one of his moods, it could turn out very bad for you. You scurry back downstairs.

RP: 25 MORE MINUTES

TI: Whoopee

TI: That was sarcasm

TI: If you couldn't tell

RP: You said that you would try it~

TI: Only if it's affordable

TI: Also that squiggle made that sentence sound very dirty

TI: Like a lot dirtier than it actually is

RP: Really~

TI: Stop

RP: I don't want to~

TI: They don't even sound dirty anymore you're just doing this to spite me

RP: So what if I am~

CC: Another person has come to join in~

RP: Oh this should be very very fun~

TI: Oh wonderful

TI: This is just fantastic

You shudder at the implications of that horrible, dirty little squiggle. You swiftly decide to turn your attention elsewhere.

You reach for your mouse and…

Wait. Hold on. Shit. Where did it go? It was here before you went upstairs…

Suddenly, your eyes widen. Your mouth opens in shock. You let out a blood-curling scream as you realize-

Okay none of those overly dramatic things happened. It was more like just a moment of silence as you slowly figured out that your Brother probably took it while you were in the kitchen (He's just sore that you have a better mouse than him). You sigh. Well, guess you're doing this now. This is just fan-fucking-tastic.

You solemnly walk to his room.

As you creep open the door, you can feel his eyes on you. You walk in slowly, preparing yourself for anything.

Oh, what the hell. You already know that it's going to be the same bullshit as always.

He politely challenges you to a strife while handing you a KENDO SWORD. You equip it with a

sigh, using the bladekind specibus card he got you as a present. You're not even sure if this should qualify as "bladekind" seeing as how you don't even know if wood can count as a blade, but whatever. You're just glad that the two of you don't use actual swords to fight. Come on, how crazy would that be? You're just glad that he let you keep an empty specibus card, for if you ever actually get a weapon that you like.

STRIFE!

He starts with a strike from the top, which you quickly block, aiming for a hit to his side directly afterwards. He is, however, too quick for any of your moves to work on him. He swiftly parries it and swings it towards your head but before it makes contact, you duck under it and attempt to swing at his legs. Of course, he somehow predicts the move and deflects it, your own weapon nearly hitting you as it flies back. Seeing you defenseless for that moment, he seizes the opportunity and almost jabs you in the stomach. You say "almost" because his weapon stops a bit before it hits you, and he pulls it back. Oh of course, again with the bullshit. He seems to enjoy taunting you, letting you know that he has the power to cause you all kinds of pain but he's just refraining from doing so.

You hate it so, very, very much.

You're interrupted from your own thoughts by a little tap on the head.

You glare towards the direction of your brother, who has won another duel. You huffily snatch the mouse and stomp back to your room. Why the fuck does he have to do this kind of horseshit all the time? What did you ever do to him?

CC: 15 MORE MINUTES

TI: Wonderful

TI: At this point you're almost making me anticipate it

RP: Really?

TI: No

TI: I am anticipating this as much as I anticipate those stupid strifes with my brother, one of which I just got back from.

TI: Which is not at all.

RP: Awww :(

RP: You're not even the least bit excited to play with us?

RP: Not even a little bit?

TI: Not really

You sigh. You do admit, it's always fun when you play with your friends, but this game in particular just really doesn't look like your type of game. It even looks really hard to just classify what type of game it is! Is it a construction game? An rpg? A simulator game? The descriptions are so confusing, you don't know how anyone even gets the gist of what this stupid game is even about!

Ramble about the confusion of this game's genre aside, this has been the longest hour of your life.

CC: Why dont you want to play it anyways?

TI: Well uh

TI: Reason 1:

TI: It's stupid as all shit

CC: No it's not!

TI: Yes it is

CC: No

CC: It's really not

RP: Yeah I gotta agree

RP: I don't see how it's stupid

TI: It's stupid because it's so pointless

TI: What do you even do

TI: Just go around doing side quests and building stuff and getting money

TI: No thanks

TI: It's just not my type of game

MC: Hey y'all I'm back

MC: Did Reed just call SBURB stupid

TI: Yes

TI: I did

MC: How dare you

RP: Hi

RP: Anyways

RP: That description of what you think SBURB is like is

RP: Vague, at best

TI: Who cares

Well, just about maybe 10 to 5 more minutes to go until you're pulled into this terrible experience. You wonder how to pass the time.

You spend the remaining time thinking about ways to spend said time.

CC: IT'S TIME

MC: YESYESYESYES FINALLY

RP: OH MY GOD IT'S FINALLY HERE

RP: WAIT

RP: SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT

RP: MY COMPUTER JUST RAN OUT OF BATTERY

CC: SHIT

CC: UH

MC: CRAP

MC: PLUG IT IN QUICK

RP: I CAN'T FIND THE CHARGER

TI: You could just

TI: You know

TI: Get the game later when it's charged up again

RP: But then I can't play with you guys!

CC: Okay how about we download the game and maybe get started while you find your charger

CC: And you can join in later when it's charged up

RP: OKAY FINE

You go to the SBURB website where you buy the game and check the price. Hopefully it's expensive so you get an excuse out of playing this damn- holy shit it's free!?

You sigh. Well, no way out of this now. If you chicken out, your friends will just harass you about it constantly, or maybe even stop being friends with you altogether! You shiver at the thought. You click the download button.

SBURB starts installing.


End file.
